to your rescue....Superheroes......up, up and down ( damn you gravity)

yes, it's friday ( did someone say, "oye"? )......and i am back ....( and i dont have a gun)..........first, i thank all o' you, who ...devoted time and read my work ( detailed acknowledgement follows the post).......now, after advising our beloved villains .......i thought of helping another "minority"......yes, superheroes....they are big and colourful ........they can fly....and can do everything that we cant ( well, himesh is a freek of nature, he's an exeption ).... but trust me....with great power, comes great SHIT............so, after the semi-success.......of my do's and dont's for villains ......here is a piece for our superheroes ( more organized this time)......

Do watch one of your relatives/friends getting murdered that’s kind of a pre requisite for becoming a super hero.
Do not let the murderers see you see the act…it will be the end of the story.

Do go for science practicals, it’s the lab where you will get your powers by mistake.
Do not go for science theory classes, the story ends if you know your way around the lab.

Do wear undeez over pants: you don’t want to be in an identity crisis.
Don’t steal emblems e.g. S of superman or the bolt of flash, you don’t want your ass kicked and sued at the same time.

Do make your dream girl’s boy friend your first target; he gave you a really hard time.
Do not stop there, principal, mean professors, lout neighbour and the mean ticket collector should also be set right.

Do keep a subordinate, they always die first
Don’t ignore them and piss them off, they may go against you ( and remember these are the guys who know it all about that stone which makes you a sissy and that liquid you are allergic to).

Do stand on the highest point and keep an eye on the city; you’ll know where the hottest babes live.
Do not follow any thing that shines and is flying, you are a superhero…not some tuna fish… you can avoid unnecessary ass kicking (I mean your ass here).

Do date beautiful girls, I mean this is the time dude, no body remembers an old super hero.
Do not marry them they know you can cook food instantly with your laser beam and can dry clothes by your ultrasonic rotation.

Do endorse brands, make some money dude, companies will give you a fortune for sky campaigning for the airline passengers.
Do not go crazy endorsing brands…you are a super hero not mr. amitaabh bachchan

Do save your girlfriend when the villain brings forth you the clichéd make a choice scenario.
Do not save the bunch of Japanese tourists ( I wonder why the tourists are always Japanese) if they are the other option, be a patriot… Japan is an economic competitor of your country.

Do save every beautiful girl in distress, and don’t hesitate if she wants to reciprocate.
Do not go on saving every body …get a toll free number …help only those who ask for it or you might land up in the bedroom of a 90 yrs old couple having sex.

Do not sacrifice beautiful women…they need your super powers.
Do not indulge in unprotected sex…HIV virus does not spare super heroes.

Do consider a career in India, when old you can run for the prime minister.
Do not consider a career in India if you are spider man, your jurisdiction area will be too confined, either Nariman point or Barakhamba lane.

Do have a word with the villain(s), remember they entered the scene with you …almost at the same time …they can be relatives.
Do not drink excessively with them… when you visit them… they “might” not be your relatives.

And please remember…..if there is somebody you….respect a lot….who is a scientist and is not family…………kill him…he’s the bad guy…………


And now a word 'bout the amazing comments i got ........
@ bheesm: amazing dude......outlandish......the french would have loved your comment ( at cannes they always felicitate...the movie they hardly understand)

@ sourav: thanks man.... for doing what i should have...we all love mr. amrish puri...n' i hope anugrahism....keeps making sense to you.

@ preeti: trust me a thing fo' ur heroines ...coming up...( interesting that a girl mentions heroines ..is it the much hyped feminism...or.......whatever its one and the same thing.

@ rajat: you said, "r u jealous or paranoid ?? tat da first thing which came to my mind wen i read dis 1....newaz nice try." your intellect beats me....( or maybe you've learnt the word paranoid recently ....and wanted to use it real bad........well in that case...i understand).....

thank you seepika, atul, alfaaz, shubham, shekhu, chandana and sidhant .....

p.s . yogesh..... do you have a magazine of your own...., and sunny....was the chicken theory really "GOD"ly....(lolz...i kno 'twas a typing error)........

beloved Villains.............

Ever wondered why our indian villain (villian) bites the dust every time???? the answers is, the compassionate heart full of emotions and baby like innocent aspirations ........you don't agree??? ..... here is my detailed research on why our Goonda, inspite of having a hell of a personality loses.....wannabe gabbars, shaakals and mogambos ...take notes.

they trust the “new guy” no body knows:
I mean you are sitting up there, with an island of your own, with sophisticated (yet to be invented) weapons and an army of innumerable people ready to become the breakfast of the sharks just to please you…now with all that experience and intensity how the hell can you trust a new “handsome” guy. Seriously, if there is one guy that our villains love even more than their “sociopath” junior who eats cockroaches and rapes women and tortures kids in his free time, it's the new guy who joined the gang just before the cops suddenly started magically figuring out what they were going to do next.

killing their own people
Please, for God’s sake…get an X-box 360… why kill your own guys for fun (remember? You trained them for martial arts under a fake Hindi speaking Chinese and paid for those shining uniforms) Okay! I get your emotions, I understand… population is one of our biggest problems… but dude try and understand… our heroes can fight with 20 people single-handedly without even dropping their shades.

Having Extended Conversations with People who are Trying to Catch them:
Dude why do you keep doing that? Okay! May be you have a sense of humor and a lot of wit but why to test your intellect with an honest cop. It has been ages since you first knew that any police officer with properly dyed and combed hair, with all the buttons of his uniform properly done and with a sari clad beautiful wife and only child, is honest. Do not f**k with him, do not offer him a bribe, do not challenge him by telling him your plans and please do not check out his wife (‘cause tough she reveals her cleavage, she is the chastest women in the world, I doubt if even her husband touches her).

Nach Baliye:
Ok! So you appreciate the damn art? You love pelvic thrusts? When you were a boy it was your dream to judge a damn reality dance show? Ok, I get it…I am all sympathy but dude you have better things to do than watching the heroine dance… why to wait to launch that f**king missile. Dude you have no idea that when you and your men are busy analyzing weird dance forms the hero is slitting (slitting your people’s throats) his way to you.

Innovation:
Ha ha ha! What are you dude? You go to international conferences, trade idols for the most hi-tech. weapons only to “not” to use them???? Why to put people in some mystery liquid, or hang them upside down over hungry crocodiles, or tie them to a bomb which only blows up if the mice eat all the cheese??? Why? Why not just simply shoot them in head with that gun you bought from that Hitler body-double.

Extempore:
So, you were not selected for the dramatics club at your school? You were smitten by Shakespeare first when you were 12 and you still enact “to be or not to be…” from Hamlet in your loo? Trust me dude keep it there, But when you have the whole family tree of the hero in front of you don’t go on showing them your dialogue delivery ….just shoot them.

the first one.........

Yep...i know.....Anugrahism, pretty funny eh??? But wait and watch, it will become a keyword on google, which is so cool ( isn't it?).....but who cares m' not some tom dick or harry/ashish, rahul or sameer ( sorry! samir) ....mine is a rare name n i love it ( but i always wonder why after saying," Anugrah!! what a nice name" people always say, "but can we call you some thing else...something shorter").
So, the big question...why am I here ( shut up! it's big enough for me) ? If I say I am here to make a difference, stop people from eating chickens.....i am so fu*king with you.....'cause chickens are chickens.....they do not sing, they do not invent medicines .....they jus' get eaten, that's the best they do. So seriously I cant be so cruel …cant take that from chickens. And if I say I am here because that fu*cked up hadron collider can go wrong anytime and I want to use this forum to share my POEMS with you......before I die.....yeah thats right! i am again fu*king with you......I am here
because everybody is.....( n' 'cause I've got nothing better to do nowadays).......So, you guys who picked on me in school, you hunky boyfriends of my various dreamgirls and you who banned FTV and bikini destinations...from indian TV...beware!!!!!!!!