Saturday, April 4, 2009

Kaala Bandar...should have been a millionaire




I know….it’s not Friday….yep …but so what??? I mean that’s what people do right?? They forget things….and then there are amnesic people who forget a lot of things …..and then there is Sanjay Singhania (Noooo! I am not telling you who Sanjay Singhania is….If you don’t know him don’t waste your time here….go download a Megan fox wallpaper)….So, I forgot my promise to update the blog every Friday….big deal??? (Waise do you really care?).
Actually I had nothing ….nothing at all to serve, till 5:00 this morning…..and then I risked it……I had this pirated DVD of Delhi 6 (to whosoever it may concern …. I didn’t buy it…or rent it….piracy is a crime ……..I know)…..and in the words of….errrrrr….yep…a wise man…. “Risking brings awesome shit, hommie!!”… (There are wise Afro-Americans). So, now I am sitting here scratching my a** and thinking… why exactly did the film not work? ….. I mean …it was the most sensible film I got to watch in recent times …it was metaphorical, symbolic and away from any grandiloquence….so, what was it lacking ?…I thought still scratching. And then “he” caught my eye, ogling at me…from the newspaper….with his TAG HEUER … smiling sarcastically, as if…. Celebrating his victory…. Celebrating his triumph over our senses ……..
Trust me, he knows it….he does…. He knows that his films are crappy….n’ yet we lap them up…. We lick the screen clean off him…… and therefore he smiles…. The fucking knavish of a businessman… the alpha and the omega de bollywood…..THE SHAHRUKH KHAN……
I mean…. I think about his movies and my sense of humour and anger start making out…everytime……..no, seriously, they have it and that too without any latex….
Saw, his latest marvel??? Eh??........Taare zameen Par 2 ….hunh??? ( TZP 2 is also called Rab ne bana di jodi…..in certain parts of the country…..actually in many parts of many countries …I mean it was a hit overseas as well)…. No, trust me that is how I explain the blunder (and trust me, dats the only way)…….’cause that Anushka plays a retard…no, seriously…she puts those….Tulip school children from TZP…..in the Research in humanoids dept. either that…or something even more intelligent ( NASA maybe…)
She, is with the same guy …..with moustaches and without them… I mean the guy does not even care to modulate his voice ( or we could have blamed it on her eyesight. And by the way …I saw the movie with my blind friend and “he”.. could make out that Raj and Sahni …were both played by the same idiot)…….so actually…lemme see…….yes....24x7 /2 + 24x7/2 = fuck you! Aditya Chopra.
And pleez do not get me started on Om Shanti Om…I mean …I can kill Farah Khan...with my bare hands, right now ( and that too without strangling her)..OSO was the worst thing ever (and not only on da celluloid).
But you know what?? The “shopkeeper” is not alone……Remember? Welcome, Singh is King and Chandni Chwok To China…….they’re a conspiracy against our senses…these movies….( and ironically ….the one who fucks our senses the most…..becomes the numero uno in the dicktown)….Akshay Kumar got a Padmashree recently ….Now, can you remember a single movie , he did ….which had n e thing to do with our society or nation or n e thing progressive?? I mean I can’t… (ooops! Now I get it….Chandni Chowk to China…..right!!!……promulgated that n e thing that comes from china…..And costs between Rs.65 and 650000000 is crap....)……
And now something “bout Danny Boyle……..Bafta, Golden globe and an Oscar…….way to go…sadistic bastard……….
For me any body who is an Indian and says that Slum dog millionaire ...deserved… The Oscar….should make a time machine….go to….1908(British dominated India)…. and join the Indian congress ( anil kapoor being the first....but he is not sane enough..not even for congress...). Trust me, there are better films made on Indian slums and grass root underworld by “us” Indians.
The blog is getting real long….and now sounds like a…. “Slanderous” ranting…… but in the words of Samir Agrawal, “truth is acceptable in any form”….. So,lets see….how many of you accept this one………….and seriously…what are you waiting for now??.......go watch Delhi 6….kala Bandar…..theory rocks…


And now a word with our ….commentators:

@ Samir: here is a news flash for you, “suicidal Japanese…kills neighbour by mistake”.

@ preeti: I have a fan!!! ( I prefer a fan….a/c’s are not good for the environment)

@ Divya: now what kind of a sister….would wish…for her brother to not to have any super powers ever???

@ rajat: errr….that you should tell my parents….( m’ 6 feet 1)

@ pankaj: I understand….U were speechless

@ seepika: what is with you and dancing???

@ atul: Teri MAA..... chis……kay liye "thanks".

16 comments:

  1. dnt u think tat u also belong to da same congress....coz all dis sarcasm runs in dere blood...otherwise it was n brutally honest opinion n i stand by u !!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. itz really hard on my part 2say bt unforunately i agree wid u anugrah...delhi6 rockzz...itz far betr dan crappy rab ne bna di jodi,osos nd ol...pepl who thot d muvi suckzz shud get lost in d world ...whr no sensible muvizz r available...
    well i think dis write up shud b dedicatd 2 me 'cos of-
    1. remindin u "itz friday"
    2. givin u a topic[itz only aftr our discussion u thot of seein d muvi ]
    3. nd many more inspirin criticisms[:D]
    ........
    .....
    nd
    dancin 4 me is as same[or more] as music 4u....[:)]

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Singh is King and Chandni Chwok To China …….they’re a conspiracy against our senses"
    Awesome line and rage of yours against bollywood is fiercing.Chill man..they are just bunch of spoilt brats whose brains have died by sucking too hard on a silver spoon for generations.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hey...i too hate SRGAY.....and that one regarding RNBDJ movie with ur blind friend was true...hahahehe....although i haven't watched that..or u may say i am don't have that much guts...
    but i like akshay..you broke my heart by saying that he did nothing for the society and didn't deserved padmashree..i disagree with you totally....

    ReplyDelete
  5. ooppss...
    one mistake...
    *i don't have that much guts..

    ReplyDelete
  6. So finally i get to hear sm sense...n m glad tht there r sm greycells out thr who really REALLY churn...Bt wt abt d ppl who prefer d no-brainers like OSO,RNBDJ,CC2C,SiK over sm sensible ones like D6??? i liked D6 bt wen i said so ...d reaction i got ws smthg.............
    Nice blog...really liked it(xcpt 'trust me' redundancy)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sorry for getting off topic, but I have to say it.





    Really man....don't get angry allrighty? I'm just telling the truth.





    You use waaaaaay to much full stops.....

    ReplyDelete
  8. anugrah! will you like to become my movie counsellor?? please do not worry about the remuneration, I am wicked rich. hehehe

    ReplyDelete
  9. i can see,smell n sense one upcomin sensibl writer for bollywood,tollywood n hope fo hollywood

    ReplyDelete
  10. "...."

    "......."

    "..........."

    "................."

    "Trust me" it is funny !! :))

    Ur doing a great blow-job...errr...bloggin job and its more entertaining thn most of our Bollywood actors ... !!! ;)

    Trust me !!!

    Now some self-promotion just for the sake of it :::

    visit back nd do leave ur rotten criticism n idiotic comments here:
    http://sourav-pandey.blogspot.com/2009/04/heaven-and-backstill-mesmerized.html

    KEEP WRITING :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. smhw went right over my head.i thot slumdog touched alot of topics....n akshay kumar gt the award for excellence in his field of work which is acting.n d movies dont make an actor d talent does.... n anil kapoor is mre rooted den any of the indian actors in the past 100 years......bt dats me...a fun read.....good goin

    ReplyDelete
  12. WOWwww such a fiery article! im sure u burned your paper with friction while writing this article! U r so passionate and clear about your ideas! I believe that Slumdog is a movie that should have been absolutely banned...they cant just condemn a country so badly!The directors dont realise that the country follows what they teach..our idols..the charators of these movies n serials! I see that writing is an outlet to the fire inside you...y not use this heat for action..along with writing! y not get this article to the directors of those brain numbing movies...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Perfectly agree with you, dude. If you really want to inflict as much pain as humanly possible on your arch enemies, gift them the dvds of Rab ne banadi, chandni chowk and so on and so forth. It really works. And coming to slumdog, i am still not able to figure out why it won so many oscars (i even wrote danny boyle asking him to refund the money that i spent on the movie, but haven't got any reply till now. if you think i am bluffing, think again :) :) )
    These are the kind of movies, after watching which, you need to eat at least two bottles of dabur chavanprash (Yuck! Yuck!) to bring yourself to normal health again. And about Delhi 6: i understood what message the movie was trying to convey and i appreciate the efforts. But still dude, it was damn boring. I understood the metaphor of kaala bandar, but funnily i was eagerly waiting to know who the real kaala bandar was, but unfortunately they never said (may be they will tell in Delhi 7 :) :) )
    But hey, i can watch delhi 6 another 10 times instead of rab ne and other crap like that.
    And about you, it was really fun reading it, dude. Written extremely well. You are gifted. Looking forward to read more of your writings.
    My blog:
    http://unalloyedwritingpleasure.blogspot.com/
    Dont miss reading this:
    http://unalloyedwritingpleasure.blogspot.com/2009/08/iron-lady-vs-plastic-man.html
    Post your precious comments.

    ReplyDelete
  14. nice post ..i somewhat agree , "rab ne.. " sucked to the core ... but slumdog was good not something phenomenal like it was hyped to be but still anyday better than CC2C n rab ne

    ReplyDelete